I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
