once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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