put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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