you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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