I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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