end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
