Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
