I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
