oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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