My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
