All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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