She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
