She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
