She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
