its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
