oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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