Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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