Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
