Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
