you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
