i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
