the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
