i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
