thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
