Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
