toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
