Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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