I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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