Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
