wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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