Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
