it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
