Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
