Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
