Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize