we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
