she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
