It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
