Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will pee on everything he values.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
