Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize