i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
