I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
