they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
