She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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