I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
