Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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