Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
