If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
