Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This baby is an asshole
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
