I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
