I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize