Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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