pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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