he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
