Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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