I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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