fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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