it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
