I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
