Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
