OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize