Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My cat gives me a boner
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
