As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
