Swine flu. Run for my life!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
